Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Binding, Strapping & Packing

Oh my!

I’ve been thinking about these things for a bit now.  What they are, how they make me feel and how they may possibly define me. 

Last month a buddy of mine gave me a binder that he was no longer using.  We had originally talked about it back when I was playing football and trying to figure out what to do with my breasts, which kept getting pinched under my shoulder pads every time the defensive lineman tried to get past me.  Fortunately, I ended up buying a set of shoulder pads built for women and the pinching problem went away, but I was still curious about and wanted the binder so I asked him for it. 

The first time I wore it I loved how much more comfortable it was than my sports bra.  It didn’t tug at my neck and shoulders and everything was…….secure.  When I put my shirt on over it I did this sort of Tarzan like pounding on my chest and noticed that I was standing up taller with my shoulders back.  I felt strong and empowered. 

The question was. why?  Why did smashing my breasts against my body make me feel strong and empowered? 

Then I started thinking about strapping and packing, which I’ve done before but haven’t lately.  (By the way, my favorite is this one.)  Wearing those things under my jeans made me feel strong and empowered, as well.  Even if I had no intention of using them later, wearing them out to places and knowing they were there felt empowering and…  I felt different about myself but never really thought about why.

Honestly, it doesn’t really matter why they make me feel the way they do.  If I feel strong and empowered then it’s a good thing and that’s that.  Right?  Well, I’m a bit of a thinker so I wondered about it.  Was it that I was presenting as a man and felt as if I was even more so with those things?  Why did I have to pass and feel like a man in order to feel those things? 

Finally, it hit me.  It’s not that I feel like a man when I wear these things.  It’s more about the fact that I feel as though I can travel between genders.  Moving fluidly from one to the other and back again.  I don't know about you but to me that's tremendously empowering!  I fully embrace both my masculine and feminine energies.  It’s who I am and I not only accept it, I love it.