Saturday, March 26, 2011

I Just Had To Share...

I love seeing stuff like this so I just have to share it.  Love songs and music videos for butches and those who love them.

This is Tanya White, aka Freckles.  She's written hit songs and worked with artists from Shanice to Janet Jackson.  This is her new song "Uh-Huh". 

Life Is Good

My first week back at FedEx has been filled with re-training.  It's all regulatory stuff that I'm required to retrain in, since I'm working around aircraft on Port of Portland property, so it was all easy stuff for me.  It's great to be back and I'm really looking forward to having those benefits again.  My goal with this job is to eventually get into a courier or truck driving gig and stay with the company as long as I possibly can.  So, for the next year or so I'll be learning as much as I can and possibly getting my commercial driver's license in order to be ready when something comes up. 

As far as my writing goes, I haven't been doing too much of it because of the busy-ness of life at the moment.  Which happens.  I do my best not to beat myself up over not writing as much and not blogging enough, either.  I have been journaling a bit in my Moleskine journal though.  It's so nice to put actual pen to paper sometimes.  Although, I find my thoughts traveling much quicker than my hand and tend to loose them before they are scribbled across the page. 

I still am in a state of mis-belief when I think about being published this Fall.  I think when the copy of the book is in my hand and I see my name on the page I may begin to believe it then.  Honestly, I'm not sure. 

This past Friday I awoke to a pleasant surprise over on the Butch Lab web site.  My mini interview was chosen and posted for the week!  What's interesting is I could answer those questions again now, a few months later, and my answers would be slightly different.  Probably not too much but different nonetheless.  

Lately my life has been in a state of transition and I'm surprised at my calmness through it all.  I'm feeling a bit transient as far as the home life goes.  Add the job change to that and I should be in a state of uneasiness but I'm not.  The new job is a permanent fixture in my life.  It isn't a temporary gig that I'm hoping to keep for a certain amount of time.  This is the job that I wanted to get back when I walked away from the accounting life and began focusing on my authentic self.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that this transition isn't filled with any sort of uncertainty so it feels good and I'm not only calm about it but happy about it. 

The home life still feels a bit transient, though, but I think it's more of a feeling of scattered-ness.  Some of my stuff is at this house, some of it is at that house and there's some of it over there, too.  Since I began rooming with others I've lost a small sense of my own space, my own schedule and just...roots. 

If I'm being honest with myself I haven't had that sense of roots since I lived in the little yellow house in NorthEast Portland back in 2005.  Ever since then my living situation has been very transient like.  Six years later and I'm feeling pretty done with this sort of living.  My son is about to graduate from college in June and we're talking about getting a place together while he works here in town for a bit.  Of course, that will depend on whether or not he lands a job here or if he lands one elsewhere.  It would be nice to get that extra time with him before he takes off into the world and creates his own life. 

Speaking of my son, I couldn't be more proud of him.  This past week I attended a public viewing of an animation he completed for one of his classes and it was amazing.  He's submitted it to a local animation festival so I don't want to post it until I have permission from him to do so, but I have to say that it really is an amazing and very sweet piece.  What can I say?  The kid's got talent!

I want so badly to talk about the other amazing person in my life at the moment but we're only 7 weeks into dating and I'm afraid I'll gush a bit too much.  I've been doing my best to bite my tongue and go into this with open eyes, mind and heart.  What I will say is that I'm amazed, wooed and in awe of her.  The stuff that I didn't think existed actually does.  She matches and compliments my old fashioned ways perfectly and I'm very much looking forward to spending more time with her.

All in all, life is good.  Very good, indeed.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

365 Day Photo Project - Day 67

I'm Back!

I'm Back!

Today was my first day back at the company that I love!  It was an entire day of training but I was grinning from ear to ear the entire time. 

The way things have been falling into place for me these days has been quite amazing. 

365 Day Photo Project - Day 66

Sweet Smells

Sweet Smells

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Manifestation Of A Life Long Dream

I received word today that my BDSM piece was accepted by Sinclair Sexsmith for the anthology that Cleis Press is publishing in the Fall!  The title of the anthology is Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica

It will be my first published piece and I could not be more honored and grateful to have been accepted for this publication.  I am among an amazingly talented group of writers.

It's been a life long dream of mine to be a published writer and today that dream has been realized.  I am both humbled and grateful. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Seven Months Later

Seven months ago, almost to the day, I made the decision to walk away from a life that was never really mine.  One where I was miserably moving from one day to the next, one paycheck to the next and one place to the next.  There was no real living involved.  I was alive, but I wasn’t living.  I was sleep walking through life, so to speak. 

Bottom line, it wasn’t working for me so I ditched it.

Turns out, it was the best move I have ever made in my entire life.  Seven months later I am more me than I’ve ever been and enjoying every moment of this life I have been blessed with. 

In the past seven months I have:

  • had some of my photos shown in an exhibition
  • sold several prints and photo cards
  • faced my parents and my past with compassion and understanding
  • wrote and submitted an erotic story to an anthology
  • bought a guitar and started learning to play again
  • asked someone I was crushing on out on a date
  • felt confident enough to be myself with her
  • held two temporary warehouse type jobs
  • regained employment with the company I loved working for, FedEx Express
  • read some of my writing in front of the girl, friends and strangers at Dirty Queer (an open mic)
  • realized and accepted that the love I’ve always wanted and wished for is possible
  • learned the important lesson of loving myself and being my own ‘forever and ever, amen’

In other words, I’ve begun living my authentic life.  The creative, exploratory, fun and fulfilling type of life that I’ve always wanted to live yet never gave myself permission to. 

I can honestly say that I am happier and much more confident in myself and in the Universe. 

Seven months ago I jumped and asked the Universe to catch me. 

It has done that and so much more. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

365 Day Photo Project - Day 58



March 8, 2011

Today is the day that I become an official FedEx Express employee.  With that comes security clearance and badging with the Port of Portland. 

Today is a good day. 

365 Day Photo Project - Day 57

Sweet Beauty

Sweet Beauty

March 7, 2011