This morning, I woke up thinking about writing and photography. It's as if there are two people living inside me and every now and then they battle over my time. One is a writer, the other a photographer and they're both constantly at odds with each other over who gets to come out and play when I have time away from work and life's responsibilities.
The writer in me is upset because she hasn't been out for quite a while now. She has so much to work on, too. A short erotic piece about our first date with our girl, thoughts on a quote we keep thinking about and the ever present essay book we've been working on here and there. She really wants to sit down and take this stuff seriously. She needs time to do that. No. She needs to be prioritized.
The photographer has gotten all of the free time lately with photo shoots every weekend for the past few weeks. Each photo shoot is followed by the editing of the photos then getting the good ones back to the person she took photos of. Then there's the wait. The anticipation that ensues when waiting for the response. Will they like them? Will they hate them? Did I do a good job? What could I have done differently? Should I continue to pursue this avenue of photography? How can I learn more, do more, be more?
Adding to all of this is the musician inside me wanting to pick up that guitar that's been sitting in the corner looking ever so lonely and suddenly there aren't enough hours in each day. I want to do it all! But, finding a focus and sticking with it has been my challenge. Perhaps it will always be my challenge.
Am I looking for something? Am I looking to find satisfaction or completion in any of these things? Perhaps, to a certain extent I am. Perfection might be more like it. But, how to get to that place when I'm not focused on just one thing? Is it possible? Is it possible for me to do it all and be successful? Successful in both writing and photography and maybe just a decent at guitar pickin'? Then there's the question of my definition of success. Who's definition is it, exactly? What does success look like to me?
Oh, so many things to ponder this morning.
Welcome to my brain. Be careful of where you step. It's a bit cluttered around here.