Sunday, November 24, 2013

Heavy Heart



The battle between
want and need
rages deep
in my soul.

Neither of them compatible,
forcing me to choose
between myself and you.
Discipline and desire.

There is no denying
my love for you.
There is no denying
my need to be loved.

Choosing this path
of self discovery
feels selfish and
uncaring.

I crave our connection,
our love,
our attraction.

All I want to do
is wrap myself around you
and hold on tight.

But, I couldn't bear
the pain I know
it would eventually cause.
Because I know
I will once again find myself
right back in this place
and the resentment
will take hold because
I won't be able to
ask for what I need
because I'll feel
obligated to continue
on the path with you
while desperately wanting
to walk my own.

And the resentment will take hold.

Even tighter.

Destruction would be immanent.

Pain would be our last memory
and I don't want that.
For either of us.

I wish I knew
what the future holds.
For me.
For you.
For us.

Mostly, I wish I could
help you to understand
that I do love you.
So much.

And still,
the battle between
want and need
rages deep
in my soul.

Neither of them compatible,
forcing me to choose
between myself and you.
Discipline and desire.

There is no denying
my love for you.
There is no denying
my need to be loved.

11 comments:

  1. Imho; 'needs' are constant, and 'wants'- fleeting. 'Needs' have to be met to survive; 'wants' enhance your life. Just saying.....

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  2. I wanted something once...then I finally acquired getting it...I wanted someone once; then my soul searching finally found her...I wanted to be loved and to love deeply; I finally have both, and at the age of 45 I no longer know what it is to struggle to fill that need and want, instead I embrace both of these emotional and psychological feelings, as a human being, with all that I am; I give it willingly and unconditionally to her and she reciprocates because she loves me; because she needs me; because she yearns for me to love her too...

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  3. My heart goes out to you. I know the difficulty of this path.
    You are strong, and you will make it through this too.
    hugs.

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  4. keep swimming... keep swimming ...

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  5. I'm always amazed by your ability to express what your going threw. Stay present and don't give up.

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