Friday, December 13, 2013

A Different Kind of Pain

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I wish I had the words to paint a picture of the inner battle that's going on inside my head and heart. I've been focusing on staying present in each moment in the hopes of learning to connect with my instincts again. I've lost trust in myself and need to get that back. There are certain things I'm sure of, like my need to be on my own for a while to figure out who Wendi is and my need to learn to forgive myself. It's going to be a long road but it's one I am willing to travel.

There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about the friends and love that I've lost because of my actions and choices. I miss them tremendously and feel like I have a huge hole in my life and my heart. My pain is deserved, yet still, it's pain. It's different from the pain that led me to make those decisions that pushed them away. The kind of pain I feel from this will make me want to pull people closer and fight through the fear of being vulnerable with them.

This past weekend I flew to Tampa, Florida for my photo project. There are a great group of people living down there in the Sunshine State who welcomed me with open arms and I am so grateful to have met them. To see the love between not only the couples but between the friends was beautiful and reminded me of what's truly important in this life. Love. Connection. Relationships. Thank you to all those who gifted me with this reminder. It is one that I will hold on to tightly.

“We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.”
Rick Warren

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
Gautama Buddha

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