Sunday, March 23, 2014

New Outlook On Life


Photo by Kina Williams. With my old bike.
Four weeks from today around this time in the evening I will be somewhere in Minnesota looking for a truck stop to park for the night to get some food and sleep. I will be on my way back to the Pacific Northwest with a new outlook on life. I'm looking forward to lots of time with family and friends both old and new, finding employment, re-establishing my own place in this world and starting school in the Fall for a brand new, exciting career path that will combine so many of my passions.

I'm also looking forward to Pride this year and the possibility of riding my old motorcycle in the parade with Dykes on Bikes. There's a possibility of buying my old motorcycle back from friends who bought her before I left Oregon and I can't tell you how happy that possibility makes me. It was so hard to let her go but I knew I was leaving her in good hands.

In these past 6 months that I've been in New England I've gained the perspective I needed and finally found closure around some things that have needed closure in my life for so long now. I'm finally leaving the past where it belongs, in the past, and taking the lessons with me into the future. All of my past relationships have helped me reach this point and I am very grateful.

There will always be love in my heart for those who are no longer in my life but at the same time I've let them go entirely. I'll always welcome them back into my life but I won't force it nor chase them. I've made my amends with them, forgiven myself for my wrong doings and have let it all go knowing it's all I can do. We all have our own path in this life. Sometimes those paths cross, walk side by side, then cross again over to separate paths and I respect and honor that. This is a new way of being and thinking for me and I have to say, it feels really fucking good. It feels healthy and positive and loving.

I feel like my future is this blank canvas where anything can happen. I wake up every day excited to see what the day brings. This is such a great time for me. I know there will be plenty of challenges along the way but I'm doing really well with seeing the positive in all of it and bringing my thoughts around to a much more healthy way of thinking. I don't need everyone to like me and I no longer see challenges in life as things that are victimizing me. I no longer believe that my life will “always be a struggle”. Challenges don't make life a struggle, they make life interesting and exciting. Every time I overcome one of those challenges I empower myself. My life is heading for bigger and better things and I can't wait to see what adventures lie ahead.

This week is a short work week for me. I'm taking Friday off from both jobs to drive to Brooklyn for a weekend in New York City with my friend and photography mentor, Syd London.  It'll be my first trip to NYC and I can't wait to explore the city with Syd and my camera. Talk about adventures. You can be assured that I will be posting photos from this awesome NYC Queer Photographers weekend.

6 comments:

  1. Your writing is amazing. Thank you. I found out recently that my ex wife cheated on me after 10 years and that is why she pushed for the divorce. It hurts and I am trying to forgive and move on. Not yet, still very angry but working on forgiving her and myself. I know that none of this is easy, but I can do it.

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    1. Thank you. Yes, it isn't easy but it is possible. Give yourself time. You'll get there and will be all the better for it. Strength to you.

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  2. You are a very talented individual Wendi. I enjoy reading your posts and your blogs; I may not always reply to either but I keep you in my thoughts and prayers daily. I don't know your entire story but gathering bits and pieces, you've had a rough one. It pains me to see anyone that I know, whether personally or just getting to know, to see them struggle. I am sending you prayers and lots of encouragement in your new journey in life. Always be careful and always be happy! Looking forward to getting to know you better my friend! Good luck and best wishes!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Catherine! I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, as well!

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  3. The PacNW is excited to have you move back, my friend. I'm excited to have a chance to hang out more and super excited to see what you do with your canvas. Life is good :-_

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    1. Thank you, Kyle! I'm very much looking forward to hanging out more with you. Indeed. Life is good. :)

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