Friday, April 11, 2014

Transitioning


Tomorrow begins my last week living here in Ipswich, Massachusetts. This weekend I have a few things to do to prepare for my journey back to Portland, Oregon. As I move through doing those things my mind is on all of the things that I will miss about being here on the East Coast.

Life in a small town where people you know honk and wave as you walk the dog down the street. I came here knowing one person and I leave here knowing many (and their dogs!).

Being so close to New York City where I got to spend a weekend with my mentor and friend then spent a second weekend there with my sister and her partner seeing my very first Broadway production has been so much more incredible than I ever could describe. “Surreal” is the word that comes to mind at the moment.

Reconnecting with my sister and getting to know her partner after over 16 years of being so far away has been such a gift and a blessing in so many ways.

Evenings spent watching silly television and laughing over dinner with my ex-wife who has become such a dear friend to me.

Mornings spent with a pack of dogs that have brought me so much joy and who have reminded me of what is really important in this life. Love, happiness and the importance of play time.

Nights spent sleeping with my own personal heater and snuggler, the amazing French Bulldog, Scarlett.

The sound of the ocean and sand under my feet after a quick 10 minute drive.

Walks on the beach with Scarlett.

Being neighbors with and hanging out with an awesome dude in a rock band, his wonderful RN wife and cute as a button toddler daughter. We didn't do it much but I certainly enjoyed the times that we did.

The beauty of this place.

My mind is watching a replay of all that has happened in my life in the last 6 ½ months and I have to say, I'm amazed. I don't feel much like the person who left Portland at the end of last September. During my stay here on the East Coast I've peeled away so many layers of things about myself that I no longer need and have gained such clarity about what my soul needs to do next in this life. Mostly to experience this life and gain more clarity around my wants and desires.

Before I left Portland I remember feeling so limited in what I felt I could do. Now here I am poised to return to Portland as someone who feels limitless. My future is a blank canvas and each day is a brush stroke that will eventually create my masterpiece.

I will admit that I am harboring a bit of fear around this next transition. Every transition comes with it, I believe. It's all about whether or not we choose to see and acknowledge it. I see it and am acknowledging it. I don't like it but that doesn't seem to matter much. Why, exactly, it's there I'm not sure, really. I just know it's there. I feel it in my chest. Perhaps it has more to do with change than anything else. To some extent I'm a creature of habit and tend to cling to consistency no matter how small. Whether it's what I eat every morning or, now days, working out in the evening. Having that one constant to hold on to in life makes things a bit more solid for me.

Even trying to explain all of this stuff that I'm feeling is a bit of a challenge. I thought I had it all put together in words during my work out today. It was where my mind went as I tried not to think about the burn in my lungs and leg muscles. But those words seemed to have continued on the run without me. Maybe it's for the best and I'm just supposed to sit here in the feelings this transition is bringing up for me.

Don't get me wrong, I am wicked excited about being back in the Pacific Northwest and being with my son and Goddaughter and family and friends and trees and Mt. Hood and Oregon Coast and, and, and, and....so many things. I'm just moving through the transition of being away and coming back to it all. I once read somewhere that there are certain things we do in life that are considered major life changes. Moving is one of them. It's filled with so many emotions. The kind we like and the kind we don't like so much. All in a neat little wrapping called “transition”.

While it's certainly not a life or death situation and there are a million others who are experiencing much more than I at the moment, if you're so inclined, I would humbly accept any and all love, light, prayers, juju, energy, or good thoughts you could send my way. A little help along the way would do wonders. Thank you so much.

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