Sunday, September 15, 2013

Waking Up & Moving

If you've read my blog for any length of time you know how open and honest I am in my online blogging. While I don't talk about everything that's happening in my life, I do talk about a lot of things most people wouldn't talk about in a public setting. There seem to be so few of us out there in the blogosphere. I've always admired those who do blog with that honesty and openness and, for some time, I've prided myself on it. The many emails and comments from people expressing their appreciation for writing about the things I do because it makes them feel less alone in the world have affirmed for me that I'm on the right path in this space.

But, over the last year or so, I've felt a self imposed stifling in my blogging. I've come to realize that I've allowed the public-ness of the photo project to quiet me down not only here in this space but in other spaces such as the big social media sites. 

Why? Fear of people's judgements and reactions. Fear of unintentionally hurting someone. Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real. All of those fears came from my own head. Not from anything that happened in the real world.

I've been denying myself and I can't allow that to continue. This place, this public place where I write about my life in an unedited way, is my space to do so. I am reclaiming that for myself. I am reclaiming my authenticity.

On the 29th of this month I will be packing up my car and driving across country to Massachusetts for a rekindled love, a new adventure and a new start. I'm both excited and terrified at the same time. My entire life is moving across country to a coast I've only lived on during my military days. It's a huge jump into the arms of the Universe. It's a giant leap of faith and it's putting a lot of trust in not only myself, but also in that rekindled love and the Universe.

Over the next couple of weeks I expect to be moving through a full spectrum of emotions as I let go of my life on this coast and embrace my life on the opposite coast. During that transition, I promise to be me. My authentic, blogging self. The good parts and the bad parts. Flaws and all. Mistakes and triumphs. Just me in all of my humanness.


12 comments:

  1. You are my friend and someone I admire greatly. I'm very excited for you and excited to hear about your discoveries as you make this brave, amazing leap.

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  2. I've never even tried blogging but enjoyed reading yours Wendi. My heart began to beat rapidly and I felt like I had a frog in my throat, as if excited and sad at the same time for you. I've never moved cross country for anyone, but I've read stories about others love and experiences. I wish you well and be happy. I am honored to be your friend, even if it's only on FB, but one day I would like to meet you and become one of your good friends and one day one of your portrait projects. Best wishes!! Catherine

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  3. dude, seriously, I have been trying to meet up with you for four months because I bought you this awesome book, "Hiking Trails of the Portland Metro Area". you said you wanted to get out more and hike last spring. lol im gonna miss you something fierce. xoxoxo ~medina

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    1. Ha! Awesome! Thank you for thinking of me!

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  4. Hey Wendi, I am glad you are moving to Mass. I am actually in the process of doing the same thing in a few months. I am hoping to be part of the femme/butch project and we can shoot out there. :)

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    1. Awesome! Email me at butchfemmephotoproject@gmail.com so I can send you the info and questions! Looking forward to meeting you!

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  5. I want to wish you very well moving! I'm in western Mass at the moment and planning to move to Portland area. So there you have it! (Probably will be a couple of months ... Novemberish.)

    It's funny, when you started this project, and I started getting updates, I thought you were going to end up with a woman. Mostly because I believe the more we come in to who we truly are, the easier who we are is for those who will (and have) loved us to recognize.

    I wish you very well with this indeed! You'll be arriving in time for the trees to put on a show.

    em

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    1. Good luck with your move, em!

      I'm a bit confused about your second paragraph where you said "I thought you were going to end up with a woman." I am with a woman. I've been with women for the last 13 years.

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    2. No, I meant that I thought you were single and wouldn't be by the time this fascinating and cool project of yours was really rolling.

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    3. Oh! Gotchya! I wasn't single when I started the project, though. Anyway, thanks! (:

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