These past couple of weeks have been enveloped by so many different and often opposing emotions. Excited, terrified, happy, sad, shocked, adventurous, courageous, scared, and hopeful to name a few.
It's times like these that make me feel like I'm taking control of my life and doing what feels right. I'm letting go and floating down this river we call life. Sometimes excitedly looking ahead past the bend in the river to see what's coming next and sometimes just “going with the flow”. All the while doing what I can to remain present to the moments I find myself in.
Like right now. I feel the weight of the laptop on my legs, the futon under me, the headphones snug around my ears piping in beautiful ambient music as my fingers find the right buttons to push to create these words and watching the words flow from my thoughts onto the screen.
In the past couple of weeks I've spent time with friends and family here in Portland and during those moments I shared with them I was fully present. I didn't want to be anywhere else during those moments. I was savoring each and every one and reminding myself that I am surrounded by some incredibly amazing people in this life.
I thought a lot about my time here in Portland and how much growth I've experienced here. I've “come into my own” during these past 11 years. When I moved to this city I had very little self confidence and self worth. I also had very few friends. This magical place we call Portland helped me to change all that.
When I leave on Sunday I will leave with a sense of self. I have come to know me during the last 11 years. While I know I will continue to make mistakes in this life, I also know that I am learning more and more about life through those mistakes. Most importantly, I know that I can survive both physically and emotionally when life throws challenges at me.
I'm going to miss my friends and family here in Portland so very much. I'm going to miss the beautiful skyline of downtown. I'm going to miss the quirkiness, the weirdness, the beauty and the awesomeness that is Portland and the people that live in and around here. I'm going to miss the St. John's Bridge and Peet's Coffee. I'm going to miss Pastini and New Seasons. I'm going to miss the mighty Willamette and sitting by the Columbia River watching the planes land and take off. I'm going to miss my friends and family.
It's true that social networking makes me crazy, but I'm so grateful that it exists so I can keep up with everyone in between the personal contacts. I am grateful for each and every one of you in my life. Thank you for helping me get to know me. Thank you for supporting me in this journey. Thank you for being you. You are pretty fucking awesome.