This past week has been eye opening for me. I’ve realized quite a bit about myself, the way my mind works and how much time I allow social networking sites to take from my day.
Every now and then I like to ‘disappear’ and take a break from the world, hence the break from facebook. I have recently reactivated my account in an attempt to simply limit myself to how much time I spend there. I’ve succumbed to the fact that some of my friends use the site exclusively to communicate and invite people to get togethers and what not. If I really do want to reconnect with my friends do I really want to cut off that line of communication? Needless to say, I’m still trying to find balance with it and reconnect with friends.
Along with all of this ‘stuff’, I’ve started a new work schedule and have accepted a lead position on the shift I’m now working. It’s taking some getting used to but this morning I finally slept in and was able to get in a full 8 hours of sleep. I keep waking up with headaches, though, and am guessing it’s due to stress.
Emotionally, I’ve been a bit of a mess but I’m assuming it’s stemming from the exhaustion and life changes. At least that’s what I’m hoping. I feel needy and I don’t like it. My ‘butch attitude’ is kicking in and telling the needy little kid in me to suck it up. My more compassionate side is telling my ‘butch attitude’ to leave the poor kid alone and let her feel what she’s feeling.
Insecurities have gotten the best of me this week and dreams that I’ve had aren’t helping. My mind can be a field of land mines sometimes. I have no doubt that I’m feeding off the past. Tip toeing around things that I’ve tip toed around before. It’s that constant spiral of coming back to things that I’m still working on, only this time at a deeper level.
Along with reactivating my facebook I’ve also reactivated my gym membership and am looking forward to getting back into it. It always makes me feel better mentally. Well, aside from the whole locker room deal. Maybe this time I’ll just walk in and ignore all of the stares. Maybe this time I’ll just say to myself, ‘They’re just jealous.’ Then take off my shirt and show off my guns.