Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Finding Balance


This past week has been eye opening for me.  I’ve realized quite a bit about myself, the way my mind works and how much time I allow social networking sites to take from my day. 

Every now and then I like to ‘disappear’ and take a break from the world, hence the break from facebook.  I have recently reactivated my account in an attempt to simply limit myself to how much time I spend there.  I’ve succumbed to the fact that some of my friends use the site exclusively to communicate and invite people to get togethers and what not.  If I really do want to reconnect with my friends do I really want to cut off that line of communication?  Needless to say, I’m still trying to find balance with it and reconnect with friends. 

Along with all of this ‘stuff’, I’ve started a new work schedule and have accepted a lead position on the shift I’m now working.  It’s taking some getting used to but this morning I finally slept in and was able to get in a full 8 hours of sleep.  I keep waking up with headaches, though, and am guessing it’s due to stress. 

Emotionally, I’ve been a bit of a mess but I’m assuming it’s stemming from the exhaustion and life changes.  At least that’s what I’m hoping.  I feel needy and I don’t like it.  My ‘butch attitude’ is kicking in and telling the needy little kid in me to suck it up.  My more compassionate side is telling my ‘butch attitude’ to leave the poor kid alone and let her feel what she’s feeling. 

Insecurities have gotten the best of me this week and dreams that I’ve had aren’t helping.  My mind can be a field of land mines sometimes.  I have no doubt that I’m feeding off the past.  Tip toeing around things that I’ve tip toed around before.  It’s that constant spiral of coming back to things that I’m still working on, only this time at a deeper level. 

Heavy stuff. 

Along with reactivating my facebook I’ve also reactivated my gym membership and am looking forward to getting back into it.  It always makes me feel better mentally.  Well, aside from the whole locker room deal.  Maybe this time I’ll just walk in and ignore all of the stares.  Maybe this time I’ll just say to myself, ‘They’re just jealous.’ Then take off my shirt and show off my guns. 

Grrrrr….

5 comments:

  1. Take off your shirt and show off your guns? Ooooooooo. My. Indeed.

    Ha ha! Seriously, though, I love how open you are on your blog. I'm the same way, so, reading your blog is always validating.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good because I love how open you are on your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I missed you while you were away. I find my fb is mostly about connecting with friends who aren't in this area, and I'm glad to see you back. There's something about the passive form of communicating through fb - I feel intrusive text messaging or calling. It's interesting to think about all of this.

    Congratulations on the new position! Change and transition - and even good things like having a wonderful woman in your life - can sometimes bring up "stuff" for us to deal with. For me it's a matter of seeing the old coping skills or ways of being pop up as easy things to grasp, and making a choice to do something different, more healthy, more in balance and in tune with my authentic self.

    Hugs! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. taking a break is always good. i completely agree with you. sometimes we just get so caught up in other stuff we forget about what's important. xo

    ReplyDelete