Saturday, November 30, 2013

Reminders To Myself During This Time

I was able to track down the book I talked about in one of my previous posts, The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier.  Once I got it home I sat down and scanned through the first 3/4 of the book. It's about stuff I've already read about and processed through sessions in therapy so my scanning it was to make sure there wasn't something in there that I hadn't thought about.

The end of the book, where all of the talk about healing begins, is what I really wanted to read. As it turns out, it's stuff I knew already, as well. I just needed to be reminded. So, I want to post a few of those reminders here so I can come back to them. Maybe it'll help someone else out, as well.

"The first thing an adoptee can do is to become sick and tired of being a victim, of feeling as if she has no power in her life. That feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, which is left over from her infant/child years, permeates her consciousness even today. She has to want to get rid of it. She has to want to take responsibility for herself and not blame everyone-the whole world-for what is happening to her. It is easier to just drift along like a cork on the sea, bobbing along wherever the tide of life takes her. In order to grow up, to become an adult, she will have to give up that old friend lethargy and take an active part in her own healing process. This takes effort, commitment, and energy."

"One of the hindrances to an adoptee's helping herself heal is her feeling of being undeserving, unworthy. This is not reality, it is belief and beliefs need to be challenged. The adoptee is paralyzed by the belief that she was responsible for her own abandonment because she wasn't a good enough baby to keep."

"Challenging our old belief system is not as easy as it sounds. Those beliefs are familiar, they're old friends. It is difficult to let go of them. It is important to take small steps toward change."

"Part of discovering the true self is knowing our own values, ideas and opinions, and being able to express them and hold onto them in the face of differing viewpoints and without having to convince others that we are right. It also means keeping and open mind and being willing to change our ideas based on new and better information, not on the need for approval."

"Empowering ourselves is like a double-edged sword. On one side is freedom, freedom from our need for approval and the constant concern about what others think about us; on the other side is the necessity to take responsibility for our feelings and our choices."


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