Well, to be more specific, the evolution of my butchness. Which, I guess is really just the evolution of me, but it could be defined as such.
I was talking to one of my ex-girlfriends the other day (we’re like family now – I know, how lesbian of us) about when we first met while at a volunteer team building meeting at the San Diego Gay & Lesbian Center. The conversation got me thinking about the evolution of me. Specifically, how I dress and present today.
Before I came out I was doing the single Mom thing with my son, who was still in elementary school, and a part of a very straight community of parents in a fairly middle class town in Southern California. I was working full-time and going to school part-time so I didn’t really have a lot of time to date. Truth be told, I didn’t have anyone asking me out either so it made things simple. I tried to be more feminine but I think I just looked ridiculous so I spent all of my time working, studying and taking care of my son. I did this for 7 years before coming out.
By the time I came out I finally felt like I could be myself and dress in jeans and t-shirts without a second thought. I was still a bit reluctant to ‘look like a guy’ at this point, though.
But, still, my evolution as a butch began. While dating my first girlfriend (if you could really call it dating) I had long hair and big glasses. (Please don’t try to picture me in long hair. It really isn’t pretty.)
By the time I started volunteering at the Center my hair was cut shorter but I still had big glasses. When I began dating my second girlfriend she took me to get new, smaller glasses and I got my hair cut even shorter.
This is when things really started to change for me.
After moving to Southern Oregon, flannel became a part of my wardrobe. Flannel, boots, jeans and t-shirts. Again, how very lesbian of me. The only thing I was missing was the granola. Wait. No. I had granola, too. The point is, I had never felt so comfortable in my life.
A move to Portland and a couple of girlfriends later I’m introduced to the comfort of wearing boxer briefs and I’m hooked. (I will keep that story to myself, thank you very much.) After leaving her house that morning I went straight to Fred Meyers and picked up a couple of packs of them then went straight home and threw out the girly underwear.
At some point during all of this, I got my first clipper shave on my head and ever since then, it’s the only haircut I’ll get or give myself. I’m tellin’ ya, when a cute girl walks up to you and starts rubbing your head because it’s cut so short, you know you’ve got a good cut. It’s the quickest way to quiet me down and turn me to mush.
So, here I sit today in my jeans, t-shirts (two because it’s cold), boxer briefs and boots. A fully evolved butch. (Well, as far as dressing and presenting goes.) The only time I head to the women’s department when I’m shopping is to pick up a sports bra. It’s totally me and feels incredibly comfortable.