Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A Week of Quiet Introspection

Photo by Michael Holden
My girl is at Burning Man this week.  Which means I am hanging out with the critters at her place and taking some time this week to do a bit of introspection.

I've worked through a lot of my insecurities over the past year but also know that I have more work to do.  I'm a bit surprised about how I'm handling things lately, this week specially, but it's all very rational and well thought out, if that makes sense.

Instead of letting my emotions take hold of me based simply on my thoughts as opposed to the facts, I'm reeling myself in, sitting myself down and focusing on the now.  Focusing on the facts.  Those things that I know to be true.  Not things that I think up in my brain that are there to stir up my emotions and build up the walls again.  I'm tired of the walls.  I'm tired of turning my emotions off or being angry and bitter.  I'm tired of missing what's right in front of me and enjoying the moments I am blessed with while dwelling on what 'could' happen. 

Today I found myself missing her a lot and I allowed myself to feel it but I stopped myself from getting sad about it.  I was able to do that by remembering the amazing journey she's on of self discovery and growth and how blessed I am to bare witness to it.  Then I gave myself a pat on the back for the journey of self discovery and growth that I am on, as well.

Still, I'm counting the days until she returns.  While I'm counting, I've got plenty of projects to keep me busy.  Plenty of projects to help me to learn to stay in the moment.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” - Anais Nin

3 comments:

  1. Sometimes it takes distance and separation to help us realize what we have. Growth is a painful process as long as we insist on dragging a suitcase full of our past hurts with us. Kudos to you for not falling into that trap!

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  2. I love this post - am working on similar behavior and finding it appallingly difficult. Allowing myself to see the facts, rather than listen to the made up stories in my head, is a hard one - because when it comes to imagination, I'm all about listening to the made up stories in my head. But when the stories tell how awful I am, it's so hard not to listen... very inspiring post...

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