Heart & Soul

This past Monday I took a walk in the woods close to the house. My heart and my thoughts have been heavy with home, family, friends and work so I was attempting to find my center. Nature always helps calm my mind and soothe my soul.

I walked up through the old North Cemetery communing with the trees. They aren't as vibrant as I've seen them in past years but they are beginning to change. We've been in a drought so the Autumn colors seem to be a bit quiet this year. Still, I smiled at the trees and even stopped to tell a couple how beautiful they were. I like to run my hand along the bark gently in greeting.

Trees are comforting to me. They are strong yet flexible. They know how to sway with the wind. Their leaves whisper gentle sounds of comfort.

In the park where I walked there is a pond. Sadly, a much smaller pond because of the drought but, still, a pond. After walking the loop trail around the park I headed to the bench next to the pond to watch the sunlight dance on the water.

When I sat down on the bench I noticed that my feet didn't touch the ground. Sort of like what it might feel like to kids when they sit on a big bench. I smiled at the realization then as I sat there I began to relax into that feeling of being a little kid. A kid who needed comforting. A kid who can't explain why it hurts but knows that it just does. A kid who's lost her family or is just too far away from them.

As these thoughts filled my head I felt the burning in my chest. The tears began to form in the corner of my eyes. They fought me to get out, to find freedom on my cheeks. Finally I stopped fighting them for a bit. The release felt good but I stopped them again. My only thought being, "What if someone walks by or comes to sit on the bench, too?" I was alone. There wasn't anyone that was going to want to share the bench with me but I didn't want to be surprised. So, I got up and walked along the bank of the pond. On the other side of me was thick brush so I knew for sure no one would happen upon me there.

As soon as I got far enough away and tucked back into a little alcove of bushes, my body let go. Why I felt the need to hide, I'm not clear, but I allowed myself to just to let it out. Out it came, too. In full force. My heart felt like it was going to burn through my chest as I silently sobbed and cried.

I love my family dearly and want nothing more than to help all of them in any way I can. My West Coast family is struggling and I'm feeling quite helpless all the way out here. My heart aches to be with them.

The transient feeling I've had over the last few years has helped me find myself and my priorities. It's been a good tool but I'm beginning to feel like I need to grow roots again. Ideas of a house, eventually a partner, a long term job, holidays spent surrounded by family and so much love are all floating around in my head quite a bit these days. I want to settle down again. I want to build those roots so I can stand even taller.

The tears I cried that day were for my family, for the distance, for their struggles and for the time it may take me to get home.

Home.

Just knowing I have a sense of that word now brings happy tears to my eyes.

New Year & New Adventures

Coming back to Portland when I did this past year felt like the right move for me at that time. Being back has brought some closure for me around some things, including the photo project that I've been working on for the past two and a half years. The book is published and in very good hands and I couldn't be more proud of that work. Who knows if it would have happened the way it did had I stayed in Massachusetts or if I would still be searching for a publisher? There's really no way of knowing but I am glad that things worked out the way they did.

My group of close friends and family has become smaller but I feel like I hold them even closer to my heart. They are my top priority in this life and I love them dearly. I no longer feel like I take any of them for granted and I hope they feel the same.

I've forgiven myself for many things I've done in my past that I am not proud of. Forgiven yet not forgotten. They all help me to be a better person with each passing day and remind me of what is important in this life. Family. Friends. Love. Happiness.

I've also made peace with who Wendi is, what she wants in life and how she chooses to live. I do things that make me happy no matter what the financial reward. I love working with dogs and the rewards that come from it far out weigh any sort of financial gain. Dogs teach me and remind me of so much every single day; the importance of taking time to play, being filled with pure joy, fully being in the moment, eating good food and taking a good nap. At this point, I feel like I could step into another job that may not include animals and carry those lessons with me into every working day. Maybe even find ways to help others find joy in the days.

So, in the end, it was a good choice to come back to Portland and I'm glad that I did. But, it's time for me to move on. In the hindsight that I've had I can clearly see that I went into panic mode while dealing with so much grief at the beginning of the year and felt pulled to come running home. In the end, the panic paid off but now I sit with a sense of regret. Regret for not giving myself enough time to be in a new space. To adjust to all of the new things around me and a new way of life. A way of life that I really began to love just before I left, in a small town where I quickly got to know people and their dogs. Where people would honk and wave as I walked Scarlett every night and it felt comforting. Just as it started to feel like home for me, I left and now I regret it. Coming back to Portland was needed for lots of reasons but now it's beginning to feel like a step back for me.

In this distance I've also realized a lot of things about my feelings towards my ex-wife. How they've always been there in the back of my mind where I pushed them and locked them away as a way to survive. I know I really messed things up this last go around for us, but we've forgiven each other and are moving forward as friends and family. I don't feel like I'm able to be in a relationship with anyone else because of the feelings I still hold for her, so of course there will always be hope as long as those feelings remain, but I also know the reality of things. I do not hold her to rekindling a love that may be long gone for her. Instead I am grateful every day that she is still a part of my life and my family and will only ever want for her happiness. Whether it's with me or someone else. She will always be my family no matter what.

All this being said, at the end of March I will return to Ipswich, Massachusetts. I'm moving back in with my amazing ex-wife, we will clear out the second room for me and I will, most likely, have a snoring dog sleeping next to me for years to come. I couldn't be happier about this decision and so very grateful that she is welcoming me back. This time it'll be as permanent of a move as I can make, not knowing when I'll have to return to Southern California to take care of my parent(s). Really my only permanent move will be when I purchase my land and build my tiny house.

During this trek across the country I hope to make a few stops along the way at some bookstores. I'll be taking Interstate 90 across the US again so they will be places along that route, including Chicago. My publisher will be working on putting together some events and/or signings. Maybe we can get something together for a Boston or NYC book release party, as well. I'm hoping to have a travel partner this time, but that's all up in the air at the moment. We're still 3 months out so there's time.

I'm looking forward to returning to the East coast for good this time, spending quality time with my ex-wife (and the fur kids!) and thoroughly enjoying the small town life. Of course, there will be more photo adventures!

I can't wait to see what this part of my life brings. Let's do this, 2015!

Hindsight and Major Life Changes

Hindsight. It's frustratingly clear sometimes. After spending this past year traveling through so many major life changes I've learned some huge lessons for which I am grateful.

One of those lessons being to stop moving so much and just be. Specially after a major life change like ending a relationship, starting another, ending a job, starting another and moving across the country.

I wish I would have given myself more time in Massachusetts with my ex-wife. I was in the midst of a lot of grief and internal struggle that clouded quite a bit for me. I can't help but wonder what might have been had I just sat through it while staying put.

But, wishing I would have done things differently doesn't change the past. All I can do is move forward and be ever so grateful that I still have a friendship with her, that she's still a part of my life. While the reality of things may be that we are never to be an "us" again, I am so grateful that she will always be my family.

I've learned so much over the past year. I look forward to being still, being quiet, being present and learning more this next year. Most importantly, staying honest and open with myself and those who are most important to me. My life has new priorities these days. Cultivating and nourishing the relationships of my close friends and family is top priority. Staying in a space of gratitude goes along with that.

Plan B?

I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted last. Just so you know, I made it back to Portland safe and sound. It was a good trip with only a couple of instances of snow. Yes. Snow in April. Montana and Idaho are crazy with their snow. They like it a lot, I guess.

My welcome back to the Pacific Northwest was wonderful thanks to family and friends, both new and old.. It was so good to see my son again. I gave him the biggest hug making him feel extra awkward. I can't figure out how I ended up raising a non-hugger. Well, actually, he is a hugger. He's just not as into it as I am. Anyway, I was so incredibly happy to see him and hang out again.

I surprised my 5 year-old Goddaughter when I went over to her house to pick up her Mom for a coffee and catch up session. We were trying to sneak out of the house with plans to make a time to hang out with the little one in the next few days but that didn't work. As I stood at the door waiting for her Mom to gather her things, suddenly I heard the pitter patter of 5 year-old feet running across the house to the living room where I was standing, trying to be quiet. The moment she saw me standing at the door she stopped in her tracks with a shocked look on her face. Then she smiled really big, yelled “WENDI!”, and jumped into my arms for a huge hug! It was awesome!

Just after arriving in the Pacific Northwest I received a text from my sister telling me my old studio apartment was open again. Moments after getting the text I excitedly sent a message to my old landlord asking her about my chances of renting it from her again. She was so happy to hear from me and so excited to rent to me again that she immediately cancelled all of the appointments she had to show it the next day and rented it to me on the spot. I signed the lease and moved in on May 1^st. It was incredibly surreal.

On May 5^th I started my new job as the shipping and receiving manager for a small shop here in the Portland area. It's been going well so far and the higher ups are impressed with the speed at which I pick things up. It's not rocket science and I've done this sort of things many times over so, for me, it's pretty easy to catch on. I'm not a big fan of the early morning hour that I have to get up but I do enjoy having the late afternoons/early evenings to do other things.

One of those other things has been working on getting into classes at the local community college to get on my way to applying for the Radiograpy program. Unfortunately, it's all a bit dependent on how it's all financed and today I received a bit of bad news in regards to just that. I'm about capped out on the amount of student loans I can take in my lifetime and I don't have enough left between what I've already taken out for my Bachelor's degree and the cap to make it all the way through the program. The moment I hung up the phone after receiving this news I immediately thought to myself, “Ok. Now what?”. What's plan 'B'? Alright, honestly, I thought those things after first yelling, "FUCK!" but I had to get it out before moving on.

So now, what is plan 'B'? I am, at the moment, unsure of the answer to that question. My wise, Life Coach Mom seems to sense a bigger plan unfolding. I just wish I knew what that plan was. My mind is bouncing between looking at scholarship applications to continue down that path, taking my photography to a level that would sustain me, writing/self publishing, and starting a new business walking dogs/pet sitting. One thing that I am sure of is my need to focus on finishing up my current photo project and getting the book out there. The move and all of my transitions have put the project on the back burner and it's time to bring it back to the front. I miss it.

On a side note: I've noticed lately that I haven't had the words to write. Until today. Until after receiving that phone call regarding financial aid at school. I'm not sure what to think about that, if anything, but it's interesting.

So, Universe? Where do I go from here? A bit of guidance would be fabulous, thank you.

On The Road Again

For the past three days I've been on the road making my way back to the Pacific Northwest. I spent my first night on the road in Hamburg, NY just outside of Buffalo. The second was spent in Rockford, IL and last night I stopped in Rapid City, SD. So far I've driven 1,922 of the 3,125 miles of this journey. Thank goodness for cruise control, lots of flat roads, beautiful scenery and lots of music on my iPhone.

This morning I'm heading up to see Mt. Rushmore then will hit the road to get more miles under my tires. I'm hoping to make it to Missoula, MT tonight.

This Day Was A Very Good Day

On the eve of the beginning of my great big road trip across the country, I sit here in awe of what this day has brought to my life.

This last Wednesday I had a phone interview with a company that is hiring for a shipping/receiving/material handling position. A couple of my friends work at this company and one of them gave me the heads up about it so I sent my resume' in right away. It's a position I've held in other companies and one that I really enjoyed so I went for it.

The phone interview went well and things sounded pretty positive. This morning I woke up and thought, "Oh shoot! I didn't send a thank-you email!" So I quickly remedied that. This afternoon I received a reply from the woman in HR offering me the job at the salary I asked for in the interview! It's a full-time with benefits, Monday through Friday day job!

Before I even leave the East Coast, I have a job on the West Coast. How fricking awesome is that?!

To top it all off, I had a fantastic dinner, great conversation and watched a movie with my ex-wife tonight and it was fabulous! I so enjoy our times together. She introduced me to the cult classic Lolita tonight.

This day.  This day was a very good day.

Thank you, Universe. I'm excited to see what tomorrow will bring!

Transitioning

Tomorrow begins my last week living here in Ipswich, Massachusetts. This weekend I have a few things to do to prepare for my journey back to Portland, Oregon. As I move through doing those things my mind is on all of the things that I will miss about being here on the East Coast.

Life in a small town where people you know honk and wave as you walk the dog down the street. I came here knowing one person and I leave here knowing many (and their dogs!).

Being so close to New York City where I got to spend a weekend with my mentor and friend then spent a second weekend there with my sister and her partner seeing my very first Broadway production has been so much more incredible than I ever could describe. “Surreal” is the word that comes to mind at the moment.

Reconnecting with my sister and getting to know her partner after over 16 years of being so far away has been such a gift and a blessing in so many ways.

Evenings spent watching silly television and laughing over dinner with my ex-wife who has become such a dear friend to me.

Mornings spent with a pack of dogs that have brought me so much joy and who have reminded me of what is really important in this life. Love, happiness and the importance of play time.

Nights spent sleeping with my own personal heater and snuggler, the amazing French Bulldog, Scarlett.

The sound of the ocean and sand under my feet after a quick 10 minute drive.

Walks on the beach with Scarlett.

Being neighbors with and hanging out with an awesome dude in a rock band, his wonderful RN wife and cute as a button toddler daughter. We didn't do it much but I certainly enjoyed the times that we did.

The beauty of this place.

My mind is watching a replay of all that has happened in my life in the last 6 ½ months and I have to say, I'm amazed. I don't feel much like the person who left Portland at the end of last September. During my stay here on the East Coast I've peeled away so many layers of things about myself that I no longer need and have gained such clarity about what my soul needs to do next in this life. Mostly to experience this life and gain more clarity around my wants and desires.

Before I left Portland I remember feeling so limited in what I felt I could do. Now here I am poised to return to Portland as someone who feels limitless. My future is a blank canvas and each day is a brush stroke that will eventually create my masterpiece.

I will admit that I am harboring a bit of fear around this next transition. Every transition comes with it, I believe. It's all about whether or not we choose to see and acknowledge it. I see it and am acknowledging it. I don't like it but that doesn't seem to matter much. Why, exactly, it's there I'm not sure, really. I just know it's there. I feel it in my chest. Perhaps it has more to do with change than anything else. To some extent I'm a creature of habit and tend to cling to consistency no matter how small. Whether it's what I eat every morning or, now days, working out in the evening. Having that one constant to hold on to in life makes things a bit more solid for me.

Even trying to explain all of this stuff that I'm feeling is a bit of a challenge. I thought I had it all put together in words during my work out today. It was where my mind went as I tried not to think about the burn in my lungs and leg muscles. But those words seemed to have continued on the run without me. Maybe it's for the best and I'm just supposed to sit here in the feelings this transition is bringing up for me.

Don't get me wrong, I am wicked excited about being back in the Pacific Northwest and being with my son and Goddaughter and family and friends and trees and Mt. Hood and Oregon Coast and, and, and, and....so many things. I'm just moving through the transition of being away and coming back to it all. I once read somewhere that there are certain things we do in life that are considered major life changes. Moving is one of them. It's filled with so many emotions. The kind we like and the kind we don't like so much. All in a neat little wrapping called “transition”.

While it's certainly not a life or death situation and there are a million others who are experiencing much more than I at the moment, if you're so inclined, I would humbly accept any and all love, light, prayers, juju, energy, or good thoughts you could send my way. A little help along the way would do wonders. Thank you so much.

New Outlook On Life

Photo by Kina Williams. With my old bike.

Four weeks from today around this time in the evening I will be somewhere in Minnesota looking for a truck stop to park for the night to get some food and sleep. I will be on my way back to the Pacific Northwest with a new outlook on life. I'm looking forward to lots of time with family and friends both old and new, finding employment, re-establishing my own place in this world and starting school in the Fall for a brand new, exciting career path that will combine so many of my passions.

I'm also looking forward to Pride this year and the possibility of riding my old motorcycle in the parade with Dykes on Bikes. There's a possibility of buying my old motorcycle back from friends who bought her before I left Oregon and I can't tell you how happy that possibility makes me. It was so hard to let her go but I knew I was leaving her in good hands.

In these past 6 months that I've been in New England I've gained the perspective I needed and finally found closure around some things that have needed closure in my life for so long now. I'm finally leaving the past where it belongs, in the past, and taking the lessons with me into the future. All of my past relationships have helped me reach this point and I am very grateful.

There will always be love in my heart for those who are no longer in my life but at the same time I've let them go entirely. I'll always welcome them back into my life but I won't force it nor chase them. I've made my amends with them, forgiven myself for my wrong doings and have let it all go knowing it's all I can do. We all have our own path in this life. Sometimes those paths cross, walk side by side, then cross again over to separate paths and I respect and honor that. This is a new way of being and thinking for me and I have to say, it feels really fucking good. It feels healthy and positive and loving.

I feel like my future is this blank canvas where anything can happen. I wake up every day excited to see what the day brings. This is such a great time for me. I know there will be plenty of challenges along the way but I'm doing really well with seeing the positive in all of it and bringing my thoughts around to a much more healthy way of thinking. I don't need everyone to like me and I no longer see challenges in life as things that are victimizing me. I no longer believe that my life will “always be a struggle”. Challenges don't make life a struggle, they make life interesting and exciting. Every time I overcome one of those challenges I empower myself. My life is heading for bigger and better things and I can't wait to see what adventures lie ahead.

This week is a short work week for me. I'm taking Friday off from both jobs to drive to Brooklyn for a weekend in New York City with my friend and photography mentor, Syd London.  It'll be my first trip to NYC and I can't wait to explore the city with Syd and my camera. Talk about adventures. You can be assured that I will be posting photos from this awesome NYC Queer Photographers weekend.

What I've Been Up To (In Photos)

Run/walking while trying to get into House of Cards. It's just not grabbing me but I continue to watch it.

Enjoyed some red wine and chocolate chip cookies along with some good, old fashioned letter writing. 

Took Scarlett for a walk on the beach since the weather warmed up and the sun was out. I couldn't resist.

Picked up my guitar after many, many months of not picking up my guitar. She felt so good.

More run/walking, although a lot less of the run part these days. The knees are not liking this new routine very much.

Lots of organizational work on the Butch/Femme Photo Project. Scarlett is exhausted from it all.

Since the weather started warming up, I felt the need to go back to my buzz cuts that I love so much.

Then my head got cold because it frickin' snowed. Again. In March.

I bought my first pair of Chucks.

In other news, due to some school things that I really need to take care of, my departure date to head back to Portland has been moved up by 3 weeks. I'm now taking off from here on April 19th to start the long trek back to the Pacific Northwest. I am very much looking forward to squeezing the bejesus out of my family and friends once I get back.

Until then, I am working, hanging out in beautiful Ipswich with some cool people and animals, FINALLY making a trip to NYC (twice!) and will be visiting my sister in Connecticut once more. Oh, and a lot of walks on Crane Beach.

Support, Autumn and Libraries

Yesterday I took a walk through this beautiful little town with my camera. Along the way, I stopped at the local library, got my library card and checked out a couple of books. I'm grateful and appreciative of the support from the wonderful woman who opened up her home and welcomed me to this beautiful town, the beauty that is Autumn and the sanctuary of the library.

On Being Homesick and Grateful

Crane Beach

Have you ever thought about doing something so big that it would be considered a major life change and thought, “I could do that. No problem. It'll be an adventure.”? Like picking up your life and moving it 3,197 miles from your family and everyone you know and love? No sweat, right? It's an adventure. You live for experiences and you love to travel and get out there and see the world!

Well, have you ever gone through with it and it turned out to be “no problem”? Because if you have, I need to know how you did it. I'm gone 3 weeks and 3 days from the town I consider my home and I'm a homesick mess.

I miss my son the most. This is the first time we've lived in separate towns, let alone clear across the country from each other. (Well, apart from being across the country from him when he was 9 months old because I was called back into the Marines for Desert Storm.) For the last 23 years, no matter what, it's always been him and I. Even if we weren't living in the same house or the same part of town we were always connected. We're still connected but now I can't just drive across town and have coffee with him or go on a hike with him or go have Terminator Milkshakes with him at McMenamins.

It. Is. Painful. So painful.

Part of me feels like a huge baby and if he's handling it well, then why can't I? The other part of me says, “Well of course it hurts. He's your son.”

He's my son.

Chances are he will eventually move out of Portland (maybe) and if I was there in Portland when he moved away, would I feel the same as I do now? Of course I would. But knowing that Portland was where he jumped off from and feeling like I'm holding a sense of space for him to come back to would be so much different then where I sit right now 3,197 miles away from the place we've called home for the last 11 years.

I miss my son. I know that somehow this distance will turn out to be good for both of us, but right now all I know is that I miss him.

I miss Portland, too. I miss the small towns in the big city. I miss being able to call up a friend and go grab a beer just for the hell of it. I miss the quirkiness. I miss knowing where everything is. I miss the queer community. I miss my friends.

There are things I haven't yet done here on the East Coast that I'm sure once I get some funds coming in and do them I'll start to feel the adventure part of this experience. One of those things being spending time with fellow photographer Syd London in New York. Seeing Times Square for the first time. Maybe even seeing Brandon from Humans of New York out and about shooting more beautiful photographs for his project. Or visiting my sister in Connecticut. Photographing a New England winter, spring and summer. Getting down to Florida to finish up my own project shoots. Meeting lots of new people.

In addition to being homesick, other things are eating away at me during this transitional time. Like the way my leaving Portland looked to a few of my close friends based off of things that were posted on a social networking site. (I swear those sites will be the death of society.) Things weren't as they seemed and there didn't seem to be any room for clarity from me. There's so much pain wrapped around that. I want to reach out but don't even really know where to start at this point. Perhaps time will make things clearer with regards to reaching out or leaving it be. I don't know.

Giving up my Oregon drivers license and replacing the plates on my car with Massachusetts plates was emotional. I took care of those things last week and almost cried at the Registry of Motor Vehicles. Seems like such an odd thing to cry about. Although, waiting for over an hour and giving up the money for it all really should have made me cry.

The good news in all of this is that after being here for only 3 weeks I've landed two part-time jobs. One at a doggie daycare here in town and another at an IT company that's only a 7 minute walk from the house. I started the IT company job today and it seems to be a good gig. The people are nice and I'm learning new-to-me software, which is always a good thing for the resume'. My mornings are spent at the doggie daycare and starting my days off with doggies makes me very happy. It sets a good tone for the day. (The job where I'm paid the least and picking up poop is where I'm the happiest. Go figure. If only I could survive on that job alone.)

In the meantime, I continue to do tons of internal soul searching trying to figure out what makes me happy and how I can get paid to do it. Since I've been here, I've figured out that wedding photography is not where my passion lies. The project is where my passion lies. Maybe after this one is done, there will be another. Writing has been heavy on my mind lately, as well. The outline of a story for a book has been making it's way into my thoughts. My Mom has been encouraging me to start writing again. I'm getting other signs from the Universe to write so I need to just do it. With the holidays coming I'm going to need a distraction. Plus, I keep hearing how terrible New England winters are so I may be buckling down inside to stay warm during my off hours. It'll be a good time to write.

Also on the advise of my Mom, I will start focusing on what I'm grateful for in each day. Starting today and every day through the end of the year I will do my best to write a blog post about that which I am grateful for. Today, I am grateful for my two jobs and the income they will provide. I'm also pretty proud of myself for landing them so soon after getting into town. I certainly hit the ground running when I got here and it's paid off.

Moved

Scarlett and I at Crane. Photo by Tracy Kali.

I've been in Massachusetts for just over a week now. Autumn in New England is gorgeous. The leaves are changing and the Autumn colors are amazing. I can't wait to get out with my camera and explore a bit.

The town where I now live is much smaller then Portland. The population here in 2010 was 13,175 so you can imagine the adjustment. Before I moved to Portland, though, I lived in Ashland, Oregon for a couple of years and the population at the time was around 19,000 so I've lived in a small town before. I really love small town living. What's nice about this place is there's a large city only about an hour away. Not that I'll be down there all that often, but it's nice knowing that it's there.

One of the really awesome perks to living here is the beach. We are about a 15 minute drive away from Crane Beach. In the winter they open it up to dogs and horses so we've been down to the beach with Scarlett a couple of times since I've been here. I can imagine spending some quiet time down there on the beach with my camera, my journal or a good book. I'm really looking forward to doing that.

This past week has been all about job hunting. I've had 3 staffing agency interviews and a few rejection letters from Liberty Mutual Insurance. I'm really hoping to find something within town that I can walk to but I'm not limiting myself. A walk to work would be ideal so I'm putting it out there into the Universe. I've applied for a couple of jobs here in town even though they're not in the accounting field. Honestly, I wouldn't mind not going back but I have it to fall back on so why not.

I've also made a connection with a local photographer who may use me as a second shooter at a wedding in May. We've made plans for me to observe her during a family shoot on the 26^th of this month so I can see how she shoots and pick her brain on anything. She's been doing photography since the mid 1980's and is willing to teach what she knows, which is awesome. I'm always open to learning from other photographers. Specially those who are making their living as photographers. It's very inspiring to me. I can't wait to make it down to Brooklyn to spend some time with Syd London. That will be amazing.

I'm missing my Portland community quite a bit this week. I keep reminding myself that I was there for 11 years and it took the better part of those 11 years to build that community so it'll take time to build another one here in New England.

Next week will be all about finding a job, as well. Any good employment juju you can send my way would be much appreciated. Once I start getting a paycheck again I can refocus on the photo project, which is what I really want to be doing.

Mid Move

As I type this post on my iPhone, I am sitting at a rest stop off the I-94 East in Minnesota. It's beautiful here, as you can see from the photograph above. I'm about mid way through my journey to the other side of the country at this point. I left Portland Sunday morning and have endured long days of driving but have been rewarded with beautiful scenery along the way.

Sunday morning's drive through the Gorge was accompanied by lots of tears, to say the least. All of the emotions that I had been holding on to poured out of my year ducts as I drove. Certain places I past brought back lots of memories that at first I thought I was saying goodbye to but later realized that I was taking them with me. Just because I'm leaving the place I've called home for the last 11 years doesn't mean I'm leaving the memories behind. They get to come with me as I make new ones and these places will always be here for me to travel back to both physically and mentally. 

A friend of mine asked me how I knew it was time for me to move away from Portland since I'd always felt I would never do so. The project has opened my world and my perspective on what I consider home to me. My world has expanded past Portland and Oregon since beginning work on the project. Traveling has become a form of healing for me, as well. So, there was a point that I came to several months ago where I began to feel the need to move on. After beginning to feel that need several other things began to happen. My connection with people from the East coast whom I now consider to be my friends and my reconnection with a past love all fell into place.

Reconnecting with my past love may seem sudden to some but our connection is intense and we have history so, honestly, there wasn't far to go. The Universe seemed to conspire to make everything fall into place. Places where our timing was very off in our past relationship have become perfectly aligned at this point. The past 5 years that we've spent apart have provided us with the growth we've needed to come back together and be even stronger as a couple. In all honesty, I never saw this coming. Which makes it so much more special.

My connection with fellow photographer, Syd London and her awesome partner Jay Toole has been such a gift. They are on the East coast and excited to welcome me there. Others whom I've made connections with through the project are excited to have me there, as well. I am looking forward to seeing what those friendships bring to our future. 

Most of my updates on this journey have been posted on my Facebook page. With the amount of driving I've been doing I've been pretty exhausted by the end of the day so I haven't made a lot of time to write. If you'd like to follow along over there, you're more then welcome to look me up and send a friend request. All I ask is that you send me a message with the request letting me know you're coming over there from here. I think this is the link: Facebook.com/Wendi.kali

Time to get back in the car and get some more miles under my tires!