365 Day Photo Project - Day 37

Ohana

365 Day Photo Project - Day 36

New Boots

Today some very good friends of mine took me to the Danner Factory Store here in Portland and bought me a new pair of boots.  My last pair couldn't be resoled because of the way they were made.  These will be able to be resoled, thank goodness.

365 Day Photo Project - Day 35

Sun Break

I snapped this while waiting at a light on a freeway off ramp.  The sky was just too beautiful this evening.  I couldn't resist.

Changing In The Car...or...The Women's Locker Room At The Gym

So many things got me thinking this week that I don’t know what to write about first.  My PTSD associated with the women’s locker room at the gym, hearing a past love say she made a mistake when she broke up with me and I will forever be the one that got away or the simple, yet complicated, dichotomy of being a butch woman and what that means to my existence in the world in general.  (Holy long sentence, Batman!)

I think I’ll start with the women’s locker room at the gym. 

Now, there are lots of times when I am more than willing to ‘fight the good fight’ as far as being gay or butch or a woman is concerned but there are other times when all I want to do is get through something or, in this case, change into my workout clothes or just pee.  This is where the women’s locker room at the gym comes in.  As you may have already read in one of my previous posts regarding public restrooms, I have sort of a hate-hate relationship with them.  It’s something that’s very hard to understand unless you’ve had to deal with it.

This past Monday I decided to stop at the gym on my way home from work.  Since I normally change at home then head to my workout, I needed to find some place to change out of my jeans and into my warm up pants.  After realizing how upset I was getting just thinking about going into the locker room to change, I decided to just change my pants in the car after parking in the lot.  I parked far enough away from everyone and figured that if anyone did happen to walk by they probably wouldn’t see much since it was dark. 

After changing I sat there for a moment thinking about the situation and decided to share it with everyone by posting a status update on my Facebook and Twitter page.  “My relationship with the women’s locker room at the gym is so bad that I would rather change my pants in the car.  Which is what I just did.”

The responses to that post are what got me thinking about it even more.  Everyone was very supportive of my predicament and no one thought it was ok for me to feel the way I do about this.  As a matter of fact, one of the 24 Hour trainers that my buddy is working with had a fit over it. 

As more and more comments were posted I began to feel this sense of duty.  Self inflicted, mind you, but the feeling was still there.  That feeling of ‘if I don’t do this, who will?’ sort of thing.  As one of my friends sort of put it, my going in to the women’s locker room would be some sort of ‘exposure therapy’ for the women who frequent the place.  The more I use it to change, the more they see a woman who looks like a guy and wears boxer briefs in the locker room, the more ok with it they’ll be. 

I understand the theory behind it.  Honestly I do.  It’s a lot like being out of the closet and a big theory behind gay pride.  As a butch dyke I feel like I should be doing just this.  Using the women’s locker room without hesitation.  Walking in like I own the place and fuck them if they just can’t get over themselves. 

I’m almost ashamed but I’ve got to say it. 

Sometimes I just don’t want to fight the good fight.  Sometimes I just want to go work out and be left alone and not worry about whether or not the gym has a unisex bathroom so I can pee or change without encountering some wacked out woman who wants to attack me because she thinks I’m in the wrong locker room.

Is that wrong?  Am I slacking in my duties as a butch dyke?  What do you think about all of this?

365 Day Photo Project - Day 34

Killer Burger

Otherwise known as My New Obsession. 

Ever since this tiny burger joint opened up in Northeast Portland I had been curious about it.  Their online menu mentioned nothing about a veggie patty option so I ruled them out for a bit until a friend of mine told me they do have that option for all of their burgers.  I tried it for the first time a few weeks ago and have fallen madly in love with the place.  A huge burger and tons of fries for just under $8. 

Tonight I introduced my son to the place.  Good food and good company.

365 Day Photo Project - Day 33

Frozen

365 Day Photo Project - Day 32

Learning To Breathe