Say Please

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Reveling In It

This month has been so surreal to me. Words that I have woven together to expose a story that has played out in my head time after time are now permanently printed ink to paper, my name below the title. It is now encapsulated in an anthology edited by a writer I truly admire and included among some of the most talented writers in the business.

I am slowly awaking to this wondrous dream that I've held close to my heart for most of my 42 years on this planet and it feels incredibly amazing.

I am reveling in it.

I am also doing my best to stay present in each moment and fully enjoy this dream come true. I admit, it's been difficult to keep my negative thoughts at bay. The week before this past week I was walking around this Earth being a negative nelly, still not feeling “good enough”. I am so glad I was able to find my way past those feelings. The odds are I'll have to do it again, and again, and again but knowing that I can do it makes all the difference in the world.

I've Been Published!

Guess what appeared in my mail box yesterday!

My contributor copies of Say Please arrived in the mail yesterday and for the first time ever I saw my name and a story I wrote in print. In an actual book. Published by a publishing house.

I'm still in shock.

I swear I've opened the book at least 100 times in an effort to convince myself that this really did happen.

I am honored to be a part of this anthology. To be surrounded by such amazing writers within the book brings a feeling that I can't even begin to describe. Most of my life I've never quite felt "good enough". Although I'm still really working on that internally, this accomplishment definitely helps with that internal work.

I am a published author.

I am a published author.

I AM A FUCKING PUBLISHED AUTHOR!

How amazing is that?!

Say Please Virtual Book Tour!

 Don't miss out!

Check out today's blog (Evoe Throw http://www.wholesexlife.com)! There's an awesome review of my story!

April 1      Say Please release party in SF
April 1 Viviane http://www.thesexcarnival.com
April 3 Rachel Kramer Bussel http://lustylady.blogspot.com
April 4 Giselle Renard http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
April 5 Evoe Throw http://www.wholesexlife.com
April 6 Liz http://AlphaHarlot.com
April 9 Roma Mafia http://www.romamafia.com
April 10 Official release date! Sinclair http://www.sugarbutch.net
April 11 Dede / deviantdyke http://deviantdyke.blogspot.com/
April 12 Helena Swan http://www.cuntext.com
April 13 Kim Herbel http://www.butchlesque.com
April 13   Say Please release party in NYC
April 14 Lily Lloyd http://theblackleatherbelt.com
April 16 Lyzanne http://sexpositive.tumblr.com/
April 17 Lula Lisbon http://lulalisbon.tumblr.com
April 18 Ali Oh http://www.madeofwords.com
April 19 Jameson http://www.ftmbutchdude.com
April 21 Charlie Ninja http://charlieninja.tumblr.com/
April 22    Say Please release party in Boston
April 22 Meredith Guy http://meridithguy.tumblr.com
April 23 Wendi Kali http://astrangerinthisplace.blogspot.com
April 24 Lolita Wolf http://leatheryenta.com
April 25 Audrey at Babeland http://babeland.com/blog
April 26 Seth B http://smokebellyscorner.wordpress.com
April 27 Danika http://www.lesbrary.com
April 28 DL King http://www.dlkingerotica.com
April 29 Kiki http://kikidelovely.wordpress.com
April 30 Dilo Keith http://dilokeith.wordpress.com/blog-2/
April 30 Xan West http://tgstonebutch.livejournal.com/
May 2 Say Please release party in Seattle

Free Writing Realizations

This morning I sat down to do more free writing. Trying to get the flow going again. After feeling a jump in my heartbeat from seeing the blank screen, this is what finally began to flow. 

I'm sharing it in case it may help others out there dealing with the same issues.  Please pardon the lack of structure. It's free writing in it's truest sense.

Some days everything posted on the internet, well mostly everything, makes me want to cry and run away to a tiny cabin in the middle of no where. Today is one of those days. So, I limited myself to only an hour and have closed the window.

As connected as we seem to be via the internet these days, I feel like I'm craving connection more and more. Facebook and Twitter feel more and more like missed connections to me. I miss the personal emails! We used to have them. What I really miss are the personal letters. As hard as I try to get people to write them, it just doesn't seem to be working. Everyone is very busy. Society moves at such a fast pace these days.

A fellow writer and blogger wrote a post a few days ago about growing up just wanting to be noticed. To be seen. I grew up that way, too. I'd do anything for attention. Well, anything good for good attention. I had to be the perfect child. The one who made everyone's life easier and happier.

I just want to be noticed. To be remembered. To be encouraged to do more of the things that...other people enjoy? Wait a minute.

Is that what I really want? I should be encouraged to do the things that I enjoy. That encouragement should come from me. Here I sit, again, waiting for approval from the outside. Waiting for acceptance from the outside. Someone else to stop and say, “You're pretty awesome. Please keep writing and taking beautiful photographs.” That should be coming from me. Not from others.

How do I feel when I write?

I feel clarity, creativity, present, artistic, intelligent (most of the time) and free. Free to write whatever I choose. Free to speak my mind without editing. Specially in a free writing exercise where things come up that I didn't even know about until the words flow from my fingertips to the keys and to the pixelated page. Like what's happening now.

How do I feel when I take photos?

I feel like a keeper of those moments that I capture on my camera. I feel somehow responsible to show the world it's beauty, but that responsibility isn't a heavy burden. It's an honor. I feel passionate about capturing people in those beautiful moments that they often times miss. Those fleeting moments of happiness or peacefulness or love. I feel passionate about showing people the beauty I see in them. The beauty they may not see in themselves but really should see because they are beautiful.

This is my own encouragement. This is where it should come from. Me. I do these things because they make ME happy. I don't have to be that perfect child anymore. I can just do things because they make me happy. What a realization. One that I seem to have to come back around to time and time again. 

Someday I'll just "get it".

Writers Block (Note To Self)

Wanting to write. I've been wanting to write but feel like I have nothing to say. The weight of my own inflicted overwhealm is heavy. Why do I put so much pressure on myself? To be like those other writers who wrote every free moment they had while working two jobs and who one day published an exceptionally successful book or piece of work?

Be like yourself, Wendi. The only person you have to compare yourself to is you. Write what comes from your heart. Write what you want to write and do it when you want to do it. Work is draining your energy right now. You don't have to write anything now. Just keep the flow going by doing this. Free writing. Writing whatever comes to mind. Get the flow going again.

Remember how you feel when the words flow and they sound perfect and feel perfect? Conveying what's going through your thoughts perfectly? Well, hasn't that almost always come from free writing? You have to start somewhere and this is as good a place as any.

Don't shoot for perfection. Just let it flow. Let it flow. Let it flow. Let it flow.

Say Please Book Reviewers Wanted!

Check out Sinclair's post for all of the info on how to be a reviewer for Say Please, the book that contains my very first published short story!

I'd love to hear what you think of my story, too!