Self Portrait – January 16, 2011
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." – Anatole France
I haven’t been saying much on the social media sites lately. Nor on this blog, either, honestly. I feel a bit withdrawn and very quiet lately. I’m working through some things in my head about myself, my past, my present and my future. I’m finding that I want very much to write about it but am having a really hard time finding the words to express what’s going on with me.
It’s taken some time for me to start writing those love letters to myself. I started thinking about exactly why that was. Why haven’t I written more love letters to myself?
The answers that I began to hear were self-defeating and deprecating. Loving myself is not something that I know how to do. It was never something I learned. I learned how to take care of others and put others needs before mine. I learned that very well. But, loving myself and putting my needs first is not only going to take some getting used to, it’s going to take some work.
Yesterday I posted on facebook as one of my status updates, “Stopped believing in forever.” As in, I’ve stopped believing in ‘The One’. The idea that there is one person out there who will fall in love with me and I with her and we’ll ride off into the sunset and love each other forever and ever, Amen. Then one of my friends posted this in her beautiful comment about holding on to that belief, that idea, “And there is one person in this world who will always love and cherish you if you let them. Its YOU.”
How amazingly brilliant and simple is that? No matter what, I will always be with me so if I always love and cherish myself then I will be forever loved and cherished.
I am my own ‘forever and ever, Amen’.