Two weeks ago I started a new temp gig with a local printing company. The hours are great, the people are nice, the job is not difficult at all aside from being on my feet for 10 hours a day 4 days a week, and the pay is decent. At the end of February they’ll put me on the swing shift and my hours will then be perfect.
After two weeks of working for this company I’ve decided that I would love to work for them permanently. Everyone that I’ve talked to there loves working for the family who owns the company, the benefits are good and the family cares about the people who work for them. There’s no time clock to punch, breaks are taken whenever you feel you need it and you take your lunch when you’re hungry. Besides the start time and end time, nothing is set in stone. People are treated like adults and respected. There’s even the occasional banter mixed in to lighten up the day.
One day last week the CEO of the company was in the inspection area (where I work) and saw my tattoo on my forearm. She asked me about it so I told her the story of it being a memorial to my dog, who passed away in 2009. She then proceeded to show me the angel that she had tattooed on her shoulder for one of her pets who passed. I knew in that moment that I wanted to work for her and her family. Permanently. That night I sent an email to the temp agency rep letting him know that I am very interested in being brought on permanently so if they ask him, please let them know.
My struggle lately has been with the idea of, or the definition of, success and exactly how that’s measured in life. I know in my heart that, at least for me, happiness, contentment and peace are the biggest measures of success in my life yet I still struggle with the idea that success is measured by how much money you make or whether your bills or paid or if your credit score is good. Those things that society expects and the rules they place upon you.
Money and happiness can also go together. If you’re stressed about money and the bills you need to pay then it can affect your happiness. But is that really the big picture in all of this? At the end of my life am I going to look back and say, “I really wish I’d paid that bill” or “..made more money”?
I realized this past week that I still have a lot of reprogramming to do. I spent a lot of time being negative with myself because I enjoy a low paying, low stress job that doesn’t require a ton of thinking. Honestly, I spent a good part of last week belittling myself because of it until I finally realized exactly what I was doing.
Then I asked myself, “Am I happy with who I am?” The answer was “yes”. Yes. I am happy with the person I’ve become. The writer. The photographer. The Mom. The Friend. The Volunteer. It’s those aspects of me that contribute to my happiness. Not the amount of money that I make or what my credit score is.
If it seems as though I’m trying to convince myself of this constantly, it’s true. I am. It’s part of the reprogramming of my brain and the way I see things. I’m constantly trying to find the point in things, in life. If I don’t continue to remind myself that it’s about happiness and experiences and relationships then I may as well pull the knife out of my pocket and call it good. The reminders and the convincing keep me here on this planet and in this life with you.
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection". - Buddha